Sorry I haven’t written. I’ve been busy back at work. Things have been hard. My wife had told me last week that she was pregnant. We were not trying nor did we expect it. At first I was shocked. Slowly I became excited at the thought of having another kid. We told the kids and they seem excited. Well that was last week. This week has not been good.Unfortunetly we found out she lost the baby. It hurts seeing her so disraght over it. I cannot do much but try to comfort her. I’m not even sure how I am taking it. I have been sleeping alot and I think thats why. I cannot seem to get enough sleep, which is the complete opposite of me normally.On top of this, it seems that my PTSD is making a comeback. I am etremely agitated and snap at the slightest thing. I cannot wait till we can move to Alaska and get away from this place. This job has brought out the worst in me. Luckily my wife has made the best of it and keeps herself busy. Normally I hate how much time she spends helping the family readiness group but now I think it will help her cope. Well thats what has been going on. I want to try and keep up with the blog but sometimes life just comes first.
28 Feb 2013 I finally lost it. I mixed meds with beer and whiskey and blacked out. I ended up throwing chairs, putting my head through a wall and laying down with my gun and a round in the chamber. Luckily my wife was able to calm me down. This was rock bottom. I enrolled in the Army Substance Abuse Program and switched doctors. The doctor has changed my meds but this is just the beginning of a long road. I have been sober for 22 days now. As time progresses I will try to post more info about my struggles. As for right now I just wanted to set the tone.
Been pretty relaxed. I had a bone spur removed and Achilles repair so I’m off work for 30 days. Gets pretty boring but it’s better than being stressed. Started putting together model cars to just relax.
Gives me time with my son. He loves building military vehicles. The meds seem to be working well. Haven’t had any cravings for alcohol either. I knew quitting drinking wouldn’t be hard I just didn’t want to do it. Overall things are good. I hope to get this Blog out there more. I made a android app for it and if I can get enough people to follow my Blog I’ll post it to the Android market and maybe even make some money from ads. I would definitely donate all proceeds to a ptsd organization. Well that’s it for now.
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Every feel like a test subject for the drug companies?
Medications I have been on at one point or another within the past 20 months
Klonopin 0.5mg x 2 a day as needed
Adderall XR 30mg
I have had many ups and downs from these meds. Its didnt help that I also mixed alcohol with them. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and therapist who actually seem to want to fix the root of the problem not just hide it with medication. I have also stopped drinking. The alcohol was making me a completely different person and negating any gains I might have made from the drugs.
A little background on my story. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, TBI, anxiety, adjustment disorder and ADHD. Because of this I have been a guinea pig for the drug companies. After my last episode I finally had my meds adjusted and am now taking 40mg celexa, 30mg xr addereall, 10mg immediate release adderall, and Klonipin twice a day as needed. I seem to be in a good place. This is why I can see clearly enough to share my story. I have been battling ptsd for about 2 years, or i should say I’ve been admitting it and seeking help. I found out while at work one day that a close battle buddy had taken his own life. That was when I realized I better get help before it’s to late. His death probably saved my life. RIP Richard Denham. There are many more low points in my life that I’ll save for later.