Sorry I haven’t written. I’ve been busy back at work. Things have been hard. My wife had told me last week that she was pregnant. We were not trying nor did we expect it. At first I was shocked. Slowly I became excited at the thought of having another kid. We told the kids and they seem excited. Well that was last week. This week has not been good.Unfortunetly we found out she lost the baby. It hurts seeing her so disraght over it. I cannot do much but try to comfort her. I’m not even sure how I am taking it. I have been sleeping alot and I think thats why. I cannot seem to get enough sleep, which is the complete opposite of me normally.On top of this, it seems that my PTSD is making a comeback. I am etremely agitated and snap at the slightest thing. I cannot wait till we can move to Alaska and get away from this place. This job has brought out the worst in me. Luckily my wife has made the best of it and keeps herself busy. Normally I hate how much time she spends helping the family readiness group but now I think it will help her cope. Well thats what has been going on. I want to try and keep up with the blog but sometimes life just comes first.
I haven’t had a drink since Feb 28th. For me this is a long time. I did what most veterans do and self medicated with alcohol when times got hard. I am an Infantryman and it is expected of you to be a drinker. I fell into that status quo and drank all the time. I new I could quit but didn’t want to. Then came along the meds. Even though all the bottles say ” Do not consume alcohol,” I took this as a challenge. Eventually even a 6 pack would make me black out. There are so many days in my life I do not remember at all because of these blackouts. I am lucky though. My sense of pride and refusal to fail guide me and keep me from drinking. I will not drink because I will no longer let something control me like that. I am resilient.