Today is a day to remember the fallen Soldiers and those still serving. Please take a moment today to reflect on how a Soldier has impacted your life. They do not need you to thank them. We do not serve for praises. We serve to remember those who have been lost. If you have a loved one who is a Veteran and they seem sad or distant today, do not question why. Many veterans will be reflecting today on friends lost. All we ask is that you remember those that have paid the ultimate price in defense or our nation. I do ask you to please keep an eye on your Veterans. Some might blame themselves or wonder why they are still alive and not a friend. We have lost too many Soldiers not only on the battlefield but also to PTSD. So I ask you, no I beg you to please be aware of not only the visible scars but the invisible ones. Vincit Amor Patriae!
Over my time in the Army I have met Veterans from many wars. WW2, Korea, Vietnam, Somolia, Afghanistan, and Iraq. I have heard stories of pain and regret. I have also heard stories of glee and happiness. One thing in common with all of their stories was brotherhood. When one is put in a situation where they do not know if they will ever come home, the only thing you have is your brother and sisters. The person that gets on your last nerve everyday might be the same one to save your life. Their is no bond like the bond of those in the face of death. This bond between Soldiers cannot be broken. It has continued for many wars and will live on for many more. I am glad to have been able to establish these relationships. I know at any time I can call on one of my battle buddies for a favor. I just want to say thank you to everyone that has served. I don’t know what I would do without the people I have come to call family.
28 Feb 2013 I finally lost it. I mixed meds with beer and whiskey and blacked out. I ended up throwing chairs, putting my head through a wall and laying down with my gun and a round in the chamber. Luckily my wife was able to calm me down. This was rock bottom. I enrolled in the Army Substance Abuse Program and switched doctors. The doctor has changed my meds but this is just the beginning of a long road. I have been sober for 22 days now. As time progresses I will try to post more info about my struggles. As for right now I just wanted to set the tone.
Been pretty relaxed. I had a bone spur removed and Achilles repair so I’m off work for 30 days. Gets pretty boring but it’s better than being stressed. Started putting together model cars to just relax.
Gives me time with my son. He loves building military vehicles. The meds seem to be working well. Haven’t had any cravings for alcohol either. I knew quitting drinking wouldn’t be hard I just didn’t want to do it. Overall things are good. I hope to get this Blog out there more. I made a android app for it and if I can get enough people to follow my Blog I’ll post it to the Android market and maybe even make some money from ads. I would definitely donate all proceeds to a ptsd organization. Well that’s it for now.
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Every feel like a test subject for the drug companies?
Medications I have been on at one point or another within the past 20 months
Klonopin 0.5mg x 2 a day as needed
Adderall XR 30mg
I have had many ups and downs from these meds. Its didnt help that I also mixed alcohol with them. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and therapist who actually seem to want to fix the root of the problem not just hide it with medication. I have also stopped drinking. The alcohol was making me a completely different person and negating any gains I might have made from the drugs.
A little background on my story. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, TBI, anxiety, adjustment disorder and ADHD. Because of this I have been a guinea pig for the drug companies. After my last episode I finally had my meds adjusted and am now taking 40mg celexa, 30mg xr addereall, 10mg immediate release adderall, and Klonipin twice a day as needed. I seem to be in a good place. This is why I can see clearly enough to share my story. I have been battling ptsd for about 2 years, or i should say I’ve been admitting it and seeking help. I found out while at work one day that a close battle buddy had taken his own life. That was when I realized I better get help before it’s to late. His death probably saved my life. RIP Richard Denham. There are many more low points in my life that I’ll save for later.